When Your Identity Becomes A Prison

Have you ever thought about how you identify yourself? Have you ever stopped to consider who you are and what defines you? It’s interesting when you stop and think long and hard about it.

Your identity is a big deal… Consider that song “I Am A Friend Of God” – identifying yourself as God’s friend says a lot about you. Then consider the darker side of identity. Have you ever met someone who was verbally abused for so long that the lies have become their very identity? Have you ever tried to encourage someone who blatantly denied that your compliments were true? Often times, people’s perceptions of themselves don’t match reality.

Your identity can be an incredible source of strength, or it can be a prison for your mind and heart. Last week, it hit me like a brick: we can define ourselves by our failures. Our guilt can take over our identity if we let it, and it cripples us by redefining how we see ourselves.

We end up with new identities that God never intended: I am a Christian who is addicted to porn, I am an alcoholic Christian, I am a Christian with anger problems, I am a sinner saved by grace and that’s all I’ll ever be. The fact is, Satan loves to get us to identify ourselves by our failures, and that becomes the root of many struggles in our lives. He wants us to believe that we are hopeless, that we are dumb, unlovable, fat, ugly, addicted, washed up, weak, and worthless people. He wants the very core of who you are to be a prison.

I’ve met many people who have let guilt, failure, and lies to creep into their identity. When confronted with their vice, they become powerless because they believe, deep down in their core, that they will fail like they always do. Many Christians have become powerless because their identity is screwed up, and until this root issue is dealt with, they can’t go anywhere. Sure, they might have a close encounter with God during worship, but how could God really love someone who is addicted to porn, drugs, sex, or alcohol?

The truth however, is that God never intended for us to define ourselves by our failures; He intended for us to be defined by a relationship with Him, just as a married couple comes to identify themselves as a couple, rather than two individual people. God has filled the Bible with identities that He wants us to take to heart, things He wants us to know in a deep, experiential way.

You are a child of God. You are the bride of Christ. You are righteous because He washed your sins away. You are lovable because He loves you. You are good because He says so. You are a man of God, or a woman of God. Take these things to heart, write them down, do whatever it takes to get them through your head and deep into your heart. Your identity can only ever be found in God, or it will be your prison. You will never find peace if you’re at war with yourself, struggling to be a child of God, yet defining yourself by your failures.

I do not intend to mitigate the fact that we do struggle with sin or to say that we shouldn’t care about it, but that we shouldn’t be defined by it. For years, I had struggled with the idea that I am a sinner saved by grace – which is true – but that I will never be anything but a sinner who is barely squeaking by on God’s grace. My sin nature became my identity. No more though. I am a child of God… and so are you.

Understanding Rest

Take five minutes, if that, to read this. Trust me, you can spare five minutes.

I was reading Hebrews 4 this morning, armed with a pencil to take notes in case something jumped out at me. First off, you need the context. Chapter 3 was about encouraging each other so that our hearts do not harden, because took an oath concerning the rebellious Israelites who would not enter the Promised Land, saying “They shall never enter My rest.”

Chapter 4 leads with saying that the promise of entering God’s rest still stands. So what is God’s rest? Simply put, it was when God rested at the end of the creation week. “And on the seventh day God rested from all His work.” Why did God rest? Because creation was complete. Creation was finished, it was whole, it was good, and needed no more work.

God said of the rebellious Israelites, “They shall never enter My rest”, but Hebrews 4:6a says, “It still remains that some will enter that rest.” That rest then, is the state of completion, where things need no more work, where things are whole and wholly good, and there is a promise that some will enter it.

The author goes on to say:

“There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest…

God gave us the Sabbath day to rest, not just from work, but to rest in the knowledge and understanding that we are complete in Christ, that we are whole and need nothing else but Him, and that He says that we are good. This is the time and place where Heaven touches Earth, because Heaven is an unending Sabbath where we are forever complete and resting in Him.

So take a deep breath. Pause. Let it out, and consider for a moment that created you, saved you, and completes you, and let that sink in a moment longer. And I challenge you to ”make every effort to enter that rest” every day.

From Your Valentine

Most Valentine’s days, I try to write something about love and such, but this year, I have a story to write. I’ve often told people that asking them to be your Valentine was asking them to be a martyr, because St. Valentine was a martyr, but it was only last night that I finally dug into the Catholic traditions about the man, and decided to write a story. It’s certainly not all factual, but for dramatic purposes, I have woven in other elements that were not in the traditional accounts.

Nevertheless, enjoy this story, and consider more than just your significant other on this St. Valentine’s day.

From Your Valentine

~a short story for today~

Rome, 269 AD, the 14^th of February

“Valentinus of Terni, you stand before this tribunal, accused of violating the edict of the Emperor Claudius, treason against the republic by sabotaging the war with the barbarians, and blasphemy. The magistrate will now hear the evidence set against you.”

Asterius, his face hooded by a ragged cloak, watched from the crowd. A month ago, he was to be the magistrate deciding Valentinus’ fate.

January 10^th

Asterius paced about the courtyard of his villa. A fountain trickled nearby. “Valentinus, you must understand that in a week’s time, if you have not recanted your beliefs and begged for mercy from the Emperor, you will die.”

“I will not.” This man, a convicted criminal facing death, was unflappable.

“You will be tried for treason. Women weaken the heart, and you know that marriage has been forbidden to keep men’s hearts in battle.”

“Yet it would be far worse treason to renounce my Lord.”

Asterius sighed with quiet frustration. He didn’t want to order this man’s execution, but he was so stubbornly devoted to his God that he had no other option. For over two hundred years, these Christians had been hiding in Rome, secretly spreading their teachings about Christ, supposedly the Son of God.

“You were a priest!” he cried, “Your lord is the divine Emperor Claudius!”

“No!” It was the first time Valentinus had raised his voice. “I was lost, like a sheep that never had a shepherd, with only a wolf to keep me astray.”

The reference to the Roman ancestry of Romulus and Remus, and to the Emperor, bit deep. How one of the most devout Roman priests could speak such words was beyond him. Yet, ever since that traitor Peregrinus had died in Terni a hundred years ago, the Christians had been strong there.

Valentinus turned the tables. “What keeps you bound to the wolf, Asterius?”

February 14^th

The magistrate heard all of the witnesses in turn. There was the young soldier who had arrested Valentinus for marrying young men, a direct violation of the edict that forbade any men old enough to serve in the war on the barbarians from marriage. There were several men who spoke of his blasphemy regarding Jesus Christ, and his association with Christians.

Valentinus took it all in in his serene way. He was not so old, perhaps in his thirties, but appeared to hold no regard for the rest of his years. The magistrate just nodded silently through it all. When there were no more witnesses, the crowd waited. Asterius could tell he was waiting for something.

A trumpet call cut through the silence, then a herald cried, “The Emperor Claudius!”

A procession of mounted soldiers entered the vast tribunal, and riding in the middle, a wolf pelt draped over each shoulder, was the Emperor himself. Asterius’ heart stopped. He knew the Valentinus had been sent to speak with the Emperor in the prior weeks, but what they spoke of, he knew naught.

As the soldiers pushed through the crowd, Asterius ducked his head. If any one of them recognized him, he’d be tried for blasphemy next.

January 13^th

Valentinus’ words had been gnawing away at him for the last three days. Why did he follow the Emperor? Had he ever seen any evidence of the Emperor’s divinity? Had any of his prayers and sacrifices in the temples ever soothed his pain?

Asterius was standing alone in the courtyard when a servant entered, a young woman on her arm. She led her slowly, whispering to her, guiding her. Adelia, his daughter. With a pained smile he ran to her. He embraced her, and kissed her lightly on her cheek.

She laughed and ran her hand over his face, feeling his hair, his mouth and chin. She was blind.

“Father, you have a new wrinkle on your forehead. What is troubling you?”

Asterius smiled. How she could understand so much without sight, he did not know. “Valentinus troubles me. He is the most stubborn-” he smiled, growing oddly fond of the criminal “-and the most likeable man I have ever met. ‘Tis a shame that he must be tried.”

Adelia smiled. “He is a pleasant man.”

“You’ve spoken with him?” he asked incredulously.

“He is under house arrest in our own house, is he not?”

“Yes, but-”

“Fret not, father, he has merely been telling me stories of the Man he calls Christ, and how his God is the God who has healed many.”

Asterius froze. His thoughts ground to a halt, and he knew then why he doubted the Emperor. No sacrifice had ever brought sight to his daughter, who had been blind from birth. If Valentinus’ God could…

“Father?”

He shooed the servant away and ran out of the courtyard, calling for the Christian.

February 14^th

The Emperor dismounted regally and strode up to the magistrate. He bowed his head slightly, a sign of deference made to please the people. Asterius watched in disbelief as he was admitted as the next witness.

Claudius spread his arms wide. “My people, I stand before you today as a witness, not as your Emperor. This man-” he jabbed a finger at Valentinus “-is a Christian. In my mercy, I brought him into my chambers and offered him the chance to bow before me, to bow before the divine.”

The crowd was utterly silent, barely breathing.

Valentinus raised his head and shouted, “It is you, Claudius, who must bow before the divine Creator! You are but a man, not a god!”

The Emperor didn’t react. “And this man refused. He spoke of a Man called the Christ, and proclaimed Him to be God… So I ask you, my people, to become witnesses with me. Be witnesses to a test between the will of his God, and the will of the Emperor, and we shall find out who is divine and who is not. Will you join with me?”

The crowd roared with agreement. Asterius was silent.

“Will you put his God to the test?!”

January 13^th

Asterius hugged his daughter close, both of them weeping with joy. For minutes he could say nothing, but when he found his voice, he reached an unsteady hand towards Valentinus.

“You… you have given my daughter sight.”

The Christian shook his head humbly. “No; it is nothing I have done. It is what God has done, for the Father loves His children, and the Good Shepherd loves His sheep. What now, keeps you bound to the wolf, Asterius?”

He swallowed hard before proceeding. “Nothing… Teach me of your God.”

Valentinus smiled broadly. “And you, Adelia, does anything keep you bound to the wolf?”

“Nothing can keep me from the God that has opened my eyes, Valentinus.” She hugged him, then quickly pulled back.

“Then let us begin…” He kept his eyes on Adelia. “And please, call me Valentine.”

February 14^th

The crowd was still cheering wildly, caught up in Claudius’ dramatic speech. Asterius tensed. God had answered him when he called for a test, when he asked Valentinus to heal his daughter; surely God would answer the Emperor today.

“Then, my people, I condemn this traitor to death. Let him be taken to the Flaminian Gate. Let him be beaten and stoned. And if his God’s will is greater than that of your Emperor, surely He will save this man.”

Asterius lost sight of Valentinus as the soldiers dragged him away. He was swept up in the crowd of onlookers as they surged to the gate. Determined, he managed to force his way through the crowd to Valentinus, as the mob and the soldiers dragged him away. “Valentine! God will save you.”

The man hung his head. He reached into his tunic and withdrew a scrap of parchment, passing it to Asterius. Then the jostling of the crowd pulled the two apart.

January 21^st

Asterius, Adelia, and Valentinus raced through one of the thin alleys of Rome, the pounding of soldiers behind them louder than the pounding of their hearts. They had been on the run ever since a servant had confessed that his master – Asterius – was a Christian.

They turned the corner and Valentinus stopped by a wooden door, leading down into the catacombs. “Asterius, Adelia, quick!”

They scrambled inside, but he remained in the alley.

Adelia grabbed his arm, trying to pull him in. “Valentine, come on!”

He pulled away from her, tears in his eyes. “They will search the alley unless I lead them on. Go, you find other Christians – tell them that I sent you. Adelia, I will find you if I escape.”

Asterius watched disbelief turn to heartbreak in his daughter’s eyes, then he nodded. He pulled her close, shut the door, and carried Adelia, weeping, into the safety of the darkness.

Outside, the soldiers shouted, laying eyes on Valentinus, and ran harder. They passed the little door without a second thought.

February 14^th

By the time Asterius made it to the Flaminian Gate, Valentinus was lying in the bloody mud, struggling to rise. His eyes were nearly swollen shut, and one arm was bent at an unnatural angle. He pushed himself up onto his knees with his unbroken arm. Another heavy rock struck him, this time in the side of his head, and he fell again.

Asterius cringed at the sight of his battered friend, and tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He thanked God that Adelia was not here to see this. She had grown fond of him in the days before they had to run, and his arrest had filled her with despair. This sight would surely be the end of her.

He looked up at the sky. Where was God? Where were the angels coming to save Valentinus? Why was God not humiliating the Emperor that defied Him?

Suddenly, Adelia was next to him, looking on in horror. Numb, her knees buckled and he had to catch her. He buried her head in his shoulder, trying to keep her from looking. She wept, sobbing tears of agony for the dying man.

The crowd’s jeering grew suddenly quiet, and Asterius looked up. Valentinus was on his knees, looking up to the sky, murmuring something. His voice was growing louder.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold – of whom shall I be afraid?”

One of the Roman soldiers drew his sword.

“When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though and army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.”

The soldier walked up to Valentinus.

“One think I ask of the Lord, one thing I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”

The soldier’s blade fell heavily on Valentinus’ neck, silencing him.

February 15^th

Asterius was sitting with the other Christians underground, reading Valentinus’ letter aloud by torchlight.

“Tomorrow, I will be tried and executed for my Lord and Savior. I have defied the wolf, and for it, he means to devour me. Do not despair. Do not mourn for me, for I will be in the presence of the Lord at last, and will one day meet you there.

“Those of you whom I have married, devote yourselves to each other in love, as Christ and the church are devoted to each other. Those of you who are not married, do not be quick to give away your hearts. All love is to be a reflection of Christ’s love for us, and this is never to be taken lightly.

“I pray that the Lord will keep you and protect you all, and that through this persecution, He will sow a great harvest. I pray that He will strengthen you every day, and that one day the wolf will be driven away by the Shepherd, never to return.”

Asterius faltered. “The rest is personal,” he explained.

“My friend, Asterius,” it continued, “Do not be eager to test the Lord, and though I will most likely die, keep your trust in Him. As high as the heaven are over the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways.”

He passed the letter to his daughter. Adelia took it in trembling hands and silently continued.

“My dear Adelia, teach others to see God, as God helped you to see the world. He will help you to open blind eyes and blind hearts. There is little comfort I can offer you, except that God will never leave or forsake you. Let this letter be a token of love from your Valentine.”

The Anthem of History

I found it. The very core of the core of the story that God has been telling since the creation of the world. The repeating pattern throughout all of history. And I found that there was already a phrase for it: deus ex machina.

Deus ex machina is a Latin phrase that means “God from the machine.” It was in reference to numerous Greek plays where, when all hope was lost and the situation was impossible, an offstage crane would lower a Greek god from the skies to create an unexpected and perfect solution to resolve the conflict. This is history in a nutshell!

You see, Satan delights in creating situations that are impossible, that are insurmountable by man. He thrives on bringing us to the place where our strength gives out and nothing we can do will ever fix the problem – the place of utter despair. Our culture feeds into this by telling us that our future depends on who we are and our own ability to overcome adversity.

Then suddenly, God swoops in and makes a way out of nothing, out of the impossible. He makes a way out of no way. He shows us that our future never depended on us, but on who He is and His ability to overcome the impossible. It is His way of rescuing us, and His way of bringing us to rely totally upon Him and Him alone.

This is the anthem of history. Sodom and Gomorrah were about to be destroyed, but God sent angels to get Lot out. The Israelites were dying of thirst in the desert, and God brought water from a rock. They were starving, and God sent mana – bread from the sky. They were about to be slaughtered by Pharaoh’s army, but God parted the Red Sea. Jericho’s walls were beyond siege, and God made them fall. Israel’s army was petrified by Goliath, but God brought a young shepherd boy to defeat him with a single stone.

Man was separated from God by sin – the two could not possibly exist together – but Christ died and rose again to unite them for all eternity.

The anthem of history is that though Satan delights in bringing the impossible, God delights in making a way out of the impossible. Christ said, “I Am The Way…” He was the Way that God intended to get us out of the predicament that we could not change on our own. Deus ex machina – God intervening to save the day. God’s purpose in adversity is to let us face the problems that are impossible for us to fix, so that we must rely on Him rather than ourselves to come through and make a way.

Everything you ever attempt in your own strength will fail. You can’t earn salvation, you can’t change the world, you can’t make a million dollars, you can’t fix a broken relationship, you can’t even take a breath without God giving it to you! And there, in the place of failure, when all of Satan’s schemes have laid us low and all our efforts have come up empty, when all is in wreckage and ruin – in that place of total and utter despair – hope remains because we know that God loves to save the day. That ”There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you…” (Deuteronomy 33:26)

That is the anthem of history that is still going to this day.

Prevailing Prayer

Every day, an estimated one-hundred and fifty thousand people die and wind up in hell for all eternity. If that doesn’t affect you, welcome to my world three days ago.

Two days ago, one of them was a young man who lived a stone’s throw from my house. He committed suicide. We used to be friends, but I couldn’t stand the way he talked about girls, so I quit interacting with him. Eight years later and I’ve never once considered who he is, how he’s doing, or where he’ll spend eternity until I got a phone call to say that he killed himself.

Ephesians 6:12
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

There is a spiritual war raging all around us. It took someone that I knew and lived on my street killing himself to get past the callouses on my soul and make this a reality… And I’ve been a pathetic example of a soldier my whole life, sitting in the foxhole with my head down, not a bullet fired, not even looking at the battlefield. I’ve ignored it my whole life…

There are two great lies that helped me, and help a million other Christians ignore the ongoing war. The first lie is that there is no enemy. I’m fairly certain this lie exploded into popularity when Satan was first depicted as a skinny red guy with horns, a spiked tail, and a trident – no more than a comic mischief maker.

This appearance disarms us instantly, and suddenly we’re blaming the troubles we face in life on dumb luck and ourselves. Yes, there is evil inside of us that we can fall prey to, but Satan’s not dancing in red tights on the sidelines. He’s a lion on the prowl, seeking people to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He is a dragon sworn to wage war on you (Revelation 20:17). Satan and his host of demons are at work every day. I’m not blaming every little thing on them, but all they have to do is feed the sinful ambitions of men and people will do the rest.

The truth is that there is an enemy out there, and that we’re in the devil’s territory. Mankind gave ownership over to him at the Fall, but Christ came to begin establishing His kingdom on earth – that’s why we have to fight for it. Satan is going to fight tooth and nail to keep what he has, but take heart, the battle was won when Christ rose from the dead!

The second lie is that we can’t do anything about this war. Quite the contrary – we have prayer. Prayer is both the communication line between us and headquarters and a weapon with which to sabotage and repel the enemy. Without communication between us and God, we’re toast, like a soldier not only separated from his squad, but from radio contact with HQ. We need to constantly talk with Him and listen, and He will guide us through the fights that we never could survive on our own.

The second sort of prayer is the aggressive prayer that wages war on hell itself. According to the Bible, whatever we ask according to God’s will is given to us, be watchful and alert in prayer, prayer offered in faith will make a sick person well, demons come out only by prayer, pray that God would send workers to the harvest of souls, the baptism of the Holy Spirit is given through prayer, continue steadfastly in prayer, we help others with prayer, pray ceaselessly, pray that the Word of God goes forth with increasing glory – the list goes on!

The prayer of a righteous man is described as powerful and effective (James 5:16), derived from the Greek root Ischuo. Ischuo refers to something very combative, strong, robust, able to overcome and prevail, strong enough to do extraordinary deeds, it’s confrontational in nature, filled with the strength to engage and do battle with resistance, something that cannot be suppressed, subdued, or destroyed. The prayer of a righteous man is a prevailing prayer!

This is not our power, mind you – human beings cannot overcome Satan and his minions. But we as Christians are authorized like a messenger from a king. Imagine a proclamation being read “in the name of the king” – the messenger’s word is as good as the one who sent him. That’s the authority that God gave us, to pray not only in the name of the king, but the name of Jesus, which has the power to make evil flee.

So I challenge you to acknowledge the reality of this war Satan’s waging and do something about it – pray. Pray for revival. Pray for healing. Pray for a harvest of souls before they die and it’s too late.